Now, let me just start this whole thing off by saying that I haven't posted anything lengthy on the internet in a very long time. I used to have multiple livejournal and xanga(lol) accounts when I was in high school and the few years after but they were mostly filled with sob stories and super dramatic teenage angst. I'm glad to say that I have significantly grown up since then, although there are still a few things I have yet to grow out of.
Two of those things, which are the main reasons why I am even typing this right now, are my laziness and my lack of motivation. In other words, I can definitely talk the talk but when it comes to actually walking to the walk...eh, not so much. Now I might eventually get there but it's a super difficult task for me. I tend to make things a lot harder than they have to be. But hey, I wouldn't be me if I didn't do these things. I'm also the type of person who is better expressing myself on the world wide web than I am in real life. I know that probably sounds weird but a lot of people can probably relate to this.
So yeah...back to the real point of all of this. I've been through a lot of things in the past few years and sadly, the only thing I have ignored is myself. I've spent way too much time and energy focused on trying to make other people happy in my life and have hoped for acceptance from others that I completely lost myself for awhile there. When the new year started, I entertained myself with a few resolutions. One was to eat healthy (....typical) and another was to get a new job (or at least make it so that I only have one job, instead of two) and lastly I said I wanted to run a 5k before the end of the year. Does anyone ever even stick to these? Anyways, the job one is definitely some joke even though I'm actually convinced that having 2 jobs is very slowly killing me.
But then there's the other 2 ones. I'm kind of proud to say that I am eating healthier than I was at the beginning of the year, of course there is room for plenty of improvement in this aspect of my life...but I'm a foodie. I love food. I love big-fat-slutty-greasy-heartattackinducing food. It seems like my "cheat" days turn into "cheat" weeks though. I am slowly teaching myself to make healthier choices though. Instead of breakfast sandwiches every morning, I choose fruit and yogurt with granola. I consider myself to be a "real" girl. I'm 5 foot 5, not skinny, not fat..just pudgy I guess. I don't even know how much I weigh anymore since I haven't stepped on a scale in like 3 months. Mostly because I fear what that stupid number might be and then all of that self-confidence I have built up in the past couple of months gets completely shot and I drown my sorrows in ice cream and french fries or something.
The last one, the 5k. The first time I mentioned this to anyone, I just kept thinking to myself "lol I'll die if I ever run a 5k." Seriously. I probably will......but I'm doing it anyways. I signed up for one last week. I honestly have no idea what I am in for with all of this...but you all get to endure this with me. I figured that if I blogged my progress, it would totally help me stay motivated and keep me check. Not only with my "running" but with my eating habits too and all of my pilates and yoga doing. There's really no better time than now to start working towards a happier and healthier Caitlin. :)
Tomorrow I will go running for the first time in about 10 years and by running I probably mean walking/speed walking for about 5 minutes until I get bored and/or want to die. But hey, you have to start somewhere, right?
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